Reminiscing of my father's passing
Salam & welcome to 2025 first entry =)
The reason I have not been updating much is probably because I was rather busy with life, and distracted by all the social medias, Netflix, Youtube and such. I hope I can do better in managing and investing my time in better ways. Also, the internet speed onboard wasn't that great after 2014 onwards, due to company's policy.
Today, while monitoring some tasks; just for the record, I am currently onboard Diving/ROV support vessel (DSV OLV V1), for a short job. I take my time updating the blog after so many years. I do miss my time updating this space, in the wee hour, offshore.
I scrolled some of @threads feeds a moment ago, when I encountered, a girl (I presume) who was just laid off by her employer, while at the same time her father got sick and she took care of her sick father, until her father passed away. I wanted to tell her that, insyaAllah more provision (rezeki) from Allah will come. But I stopped myself just because of my unnecessary shyness.
This reminds me of my own experience, which is pretty similar. I wish to share my story too in @threads, but I am just so shy to share it openly to the public, hence I want it here, which I think, is more private, and less exposure from the mass netizens.
About three (3) years ago, my father was diagnosed with Lymphoma, DLBCL (Diffused Large B Cell Lymphoma) in March 2022. I was about to join a vessel as a project crew, and once I knew my father was actually really sick, I chose to forgo the job and stayed in Kuching to be with my family.
Two months later, in May, I got a news that I was 2 months pregnant. It was rather a challenging period for me as I was unemployed back then for about 1.5 years; my first pregnancy was in 2021, and I miscarried. Being a person who is used to be busy working and then suddenly being unemployed; pregnant and taking care of a sick parent; the experience was rather new and overwhelming for me to process.
I guess, that is just how life wants to humble you, and for you to learn, and become wiser =) Allah knows best and indeed, He is the best planner.
The saddest moments of my life, which I first thought was breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, has been replaced by losing my pregnancy in 2021, which finally been replaced with my father's passing in 2022. I needed 6 months or so, for me to be out from the grieving phase. I think my mother took longer than that, about a year or so.
I assume, the miscarriage in 2021, was a plan from Allah for me to face a bigger event, the following year; 2022. I am naturally a happy go lucky person, and sudden strikes of events do humble me down huhuhuhu....
Of course, it brings our small family closer than ever, and I am grateful to be bestowed with the best parents in the world and great siblings, who are just as chill as me hahaha. And of course, I did jokingly ask my mum if she wants to remarry again, or if she has a new boyfriend.
Alhamdulillah, after the birth of my son in December 2022, I could feel that there is a silver lining in everything. I got back to work offshore as soon as my son turned 6 months old. Alhamdulillah for a great, loving and supportive husband that has always been around during my ups and downs.
And now, in 2025, I have return back to the industry as a more senior person. More Gen Zs are coming in, which is fun knowing and working with them. Like seriously guys, the youngest crew was born in 2001, hahaha.
To Bapak, I hope you are well in you new home. I have never forgotten you and you are always in dreams and prayers. InsyaAllah, we'll meet again, one fine day.
-end-
ps: I think it is fun to read and write blog post again after too many feeds from other social medias. It feels more slow-paced and relaxed, compared to TikTok and Instagram.
pps:
Back then I wondered, why taking care of a sick parent is harder than taking care of a newborn baby. You see, both are bedridden or unable to walk, or take care of themselves, and we have to change their diapers and all. But why taking care of the elderlies, give you emotion of sadness and hardness as opposed to taking care of a newborn baby who is equally need your attention 24/7, or even more than a sick parent.
Then I realized that if you make a graph, time vs improvement, your sick father's graph is in down trend, and you're losing your hope every day to see him getting better and well, just like before, just like when you were young, and he was the strongest person you have known alive. The hope of him getting better is slowly blurred and replace with a hard reality check that your father is in the phase of needing a hospice care.
Compared, to a newborn baby graph where, is climbing even better than the stock markets bull run =D.
That's just a life cycle.
ppps:
When I was young teen, I wanted to be a doctor. I am glad now that I am not, I just don't have the strength. All the healthcare, KKM staff have my highest, upmost respect. Regardless of some uneventful events shared in the socmed by the netizens, Alhamdulillah, the ones that I met are the most helpful and kind-hearted ever.
I shall thank the posts in Tiktok as well, about hospice care. The feeds helped me a lot in managing my father, till his passings.
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